


A few notes on love...

by notjustmom



Series: Tony and May [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Established Tony Stark/May Parker, F/M, Post After Siberia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-10-28 06:52:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17782655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjustmom/pseuds/notjustmom
Summary: Day 7: “Love is many things, none of them logical.” -William Goldmancomfortblack





	1. May

From May Parker's journal:

 

November 15 -

The idiot. The lovely idiot.

 

December -

Christmas. He wants to get married at Christmas, in two weeks! For someone as smart as he is - but at least he isn't having second thoughts, and he's finally asleep. I've never - it's ridiculous, there's nothing logical about him, or us, but I breathe better when he's sleeping next to me, and damn isn't he beautiful - May Parker. You aren't a schoolgirl anymore....

***

Picked out a tree today, first time since I was a kid that I've had a real tree for Christmas. I think Christmas was hard for him - I remember baking cookies, and family, cousins, parties - he hasn't told me, but I have the feeling Christmas wasn't the same for him. I know he wants to buy Peter everything, give him everything - he still doesn't get that he is the best gift Peter could ever have, hopefully one day he will know. The tree smells so amazing, I had forgotten. It's enormous, and perfect. Never thought I would ever see a perfect tree, but at the very first lot we went to, there it was - the smile on Tony's face - I keep thinking he can't surprise me anymore, but he experiences joy in a way I've never seen before...

***

Black dog came out of nowhere. He couldn't tell me anything about it -

***

Nat came over today, reminded me again that at least he's still here. She told me some of the stories, the things he's seen - the stuff that never made the news, national security and all that, and he remembers it all - I'm glad she told me, but - how, how does he get up every day and function? Right now, I can hear him and Peter laughing over a Monty Python movie, Holy Grail - the Black Knight scene - I wonder if he sees himself that way sometimes

***

We're waiting. He finally acknowledged it won't work to try to get everything ready in time - and Lila is making a list of people in the neighborhood who would be at the very least vaguely hurt if they weren't invited to the reception. He's sleeping better again. 

Now... What the hell do you get Tony Stark for Christmas?

***

Christmas Day. I don't even know how he did it - or when - but he had made Peter his own DUM-E - a smaller version of course - Peter's face. The two of them. Peas in a pod

I had a few of the poems I had written over the last few months printed up in a small book for him - I couldn't think of anything else to give him that he couldn't get himself. It's been years since I had written any poetry, and I hadn't let him see anything - his eyes as he was reading the first one, the softness in them - and then he glanced up at me, and had that funny look on his face. He cleared his throat, put the book aside, and picked a tiny box out of the tree, wrapped in red shiny paper, yes, the hot rod red - I opened it to find a tiny gold key on a chain - he didn't have to tell me what it meant, but as he helped me put it on, he whispered into my hair, "You have the only key to my heart, May Parker, I know you will keep it safe."

How is it that he is my comfort, my home, my safe place and at the same time, he can make me tremble from wanting him, just by looking at me from across the room... there is nothing logical about him, about us... but logic be damned.


	2. Invites...

Rhodey + 1(?)  
Vision + 1 (will probably be Wanda)  
Nat + 1 (Bruce)

 

Tony sighed, dropped his pencil and rubbed his face. If he, if they invited any of the Avengers, he, they, would have to invite them all, at least those they had an idea as to where they were. Things with Steve were better, getting better; they had never been what one could call chummy even before Siberia, but ever since Steve had helped them move into the new place, he'd been over to the restaurant at least once a week, they'd have a beer, watch a game on Sundays. As May had said when she had met him, if it hadn't been for Steve, they wouldn't be here. Here - he looked around the half finished kitchen, and shook his head, it wouldn't be finished in time, maybe he could ask Steve to help him with it. Damn. 

He just wanted to marry her. 

He needed her to know he was serious about this. This new life. Their new life. He knew how much she loved the bookshop, and helping out with the restaurant, most nights they would fall into bed exhausted, too tired to do anything but curl up around each other and sleep for eight hours, at least on the nights when they knew Peter was safely tucked in bed - right. He started as he heard a noise in Peter's room, then watched as Peter walked into the kitchen, obviously just home from one of his patrols.

"Dad -"

"Have a seat."

Peter nodded and walked over to the table and dropped into the seat next to him. "I -"

"I know it's what you do, what you need to do. I can't tell you I know exactly what it's like. Once I had the arc reactor removed, it wasn't part of me anymore, it became easier to walk away. You live with it all the time, you don't have an off switch. And I know -"

"I'll be home before 10 on school nights?"

Tony shook his head, then shrugged and nodded. "Got a question for you."

"Sure. What's up?"

"When May and I get married, it's just going to be the three of us, with May's cousin officiating, but Lila wants to throw us a reception, and I was thinking about inviting some of the guys - you know -"

"Uhmhmm - Nat and them?"

"Right, I was thinking about inviting -"

"Brooklyn?"

"Yeah. I know you have feelings about him, and I get it, believe me, I understand -"

"It's cool. We talked. That one night we were at the compound, working on the new suit?" Tony nodded. "He told me that you asked him to keep an eye on me -"

"If I was still -"

"No, I know, it's okay. Really. I know he's not Iron Man, but having Captain America as back up? He's not bad for an old guy."

"Tell me you didn't -"

"No. I know how sensitive he is about the age thing - and he's really, if you think about it - he was frozen all that time, so he's closer to my age than you are -"

Tony raised an eyebrow at him, but said nothing, and ruffled his hair. "I'm going to bed. 10 on school nights, 11 on weekends."

"Thanks for asking me - you know, about Cap."

"Why wouldn't I ask you? I know you had reservations -"

"Yeah, that's one way of putting it," Peter snorted, then grinned at him.

"I want the two parts of my life to, I don't know, get along? I want you to have the choice later - though I'd rather you become, I don't know, a lawyer or doctor, or something -"

"I think you know -"

Tony looked over at him. Already he bore the scars of being who he was, and he had to carry it in a way he never had to, he had to try to keep most people in the dark as to how he spent his free time after school, and on weekends, and it was his job to keep his life as normal as he could, even as he knew it would never be that normal. "Yeah, I know. Tomorrow after school, before the restaurant opens, we can go work on the new suit for a while, I think it's almost ready for a fitting."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, kiddo; now, it's late, or early, depending how you look at it, time for bed."

"Thanks, Dad. I just want to -"

"I'm always proud of you, Pete, you know that, right?"

Peter nodded and closed his eyes as Tony ruffled his hair again, on his way out of the room. "Love you."

"Yeah, love you, too, Pete."

 

"He's home?" May whispered as he tried to slip into bed without waking her up. She smiled at him as he swore to himself and kissed her forehead. "It's like his Spidey sense, I always know when he's home, just a feeling - working on the invites?"

"Yeah -"

"It's going to be fine."

He looked into her eyes and nodded. "I know, May. It's late -"

"I know, but I'm not really tired."

"No?"

"Uh-uh."

"Have something in mind?"

"Thought you'd never ask."


	3. Brooklyn and Queens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are curious, about the sequence of things in this story, it is more of a scrapbook, or a collage of things leading up to Tony and May's wedding.

Peter stared at the post-it-note in his hand. 

Queens, mind if we talk? - Brooklyn

"Damn." He had found the note stuck on the workshop door, just before he was going to punch in his code. Tony was working on something that had 'gone on the fritz,' Banner's words, in Vision's head, and considering what had happened the last time something had 'gone on the fritz,' with one of their creations, Tony had given Peter a look, then rushed after Banner to see what the issue was. 

Cap had never tried to lay out his case to Peter before, he had been careful to give him a lot of space if the two of them ever crossed paths, and Peter had not so subtly let him know it was appreciated. He wondered though, if it wasn't time to give the old man a break, as Tony had seemed to find a way to forgive him, or at least be in the same room with him - what the hell. Language, have to work on that. He figured Cap would come find him at some point, so he punched in his code and let himself in to find Cap fast asleep on the couch where Tony would crash sometimes, on those nights he was too tired to make it home. Peter walked quietly over to his workstation and flipped on the small lamp that would give him plenty of light to work with, but not wake up the man on the couch, who obviously needed to sleep as much as he needed to get a few things off his chest.

 

"Queens. When -?" Steve sat up and ran his fingers through his hair and slowly got to his feet.

"An hour ago. What's on your mind, Cap?"

"I need to try to explain myself to you. I understand what you feel about me, better than you think."

"Yeah?"

"Can I -?"

"Pull up a chair. I'm just trying to work through something -"

"Peter."

Peter looked up at Rogers and gave him his undivided attention, as he sat on a stool; he obviously knew enough not to sit in Tony's chair. "Tony and I have history, and a lot of that history isn't to do with him, or me, really. Well, some of it is - Howard - Tony's dad, was a friend of mine, before he got married and was Tony's father. He was a different guy from the Howard that Tony knew, or didn't know. And when Tony was growing up, he was constantly aware that his father saw him as something less not just compared to other kids, but to me, the way I was back then, before life got complicated, and the rules changed. So, it has made it difficult for us to be friends, and I thought I knew, I had ideas about who Tony was before I met him, because I had known his dad, and I had done a little research about him after Agent Coul - sorry. I wasn't intending to go back to the dark ages -"

"How old were you when you went into the water?"

Rogers didn't have to think about it - it was all burned into his memory. "25."

"Twenty-five. I know people think of you as being closer to a hundred, but you really aren't are you?"

Rogers shook his head. "Most days I feel younger and older to tell you the truth." He offered Peter a small grin, then shook his head. "But what happened in Siberia, it should never have happened, Peter. I shouldn't have kept things from him, he'd always had my back, and he trusted me to tell him the truth up until then. We weren't really friends then, but he was part of my team - I thought we were too different. But over the last few weeks I'm realizing we are more alike than I thought. I never - it started out - I knew what kind of reaction he'd have when he found out about how his parents really died, Bucky's part in it - and I think it really hurt him that I lied to him. I didn't - I mean - I knew, but - by the time it really sunk in, Bucky was a fugitive, and I had to -"

"You had to choose. Between your best friend and -"

Rogers nodded and turned away from Peter.

"I saw him, Cap. It was only a couple days after, and he came to the apartment - he could barely move. You nearly -"

"He could have killed me, Peter, but he didn't. He wanted me to walk away, but I couldn't leave him with Bucky, he would have killed him if I had left. I believe that. But yeah, I went too far. I still don't know why he's - if not forgiven me, at least - had enough time to deal with it in a way I don't know that I could -"

"For me, I think," Peter whispered and shook his head. "You met him right before New York. I saw him once before that. At the Expo. When that crazy Russian blew up everything? I was there. He saved me. I don't even know if he knows it was me, I was wearing an Iron Man mask, May had given it to me for my birthday. I was 7. First time I saw him he was Iron Man. He's always going to be Iron Man, but he's also the guy who drives me to school each morning, taught me how to make lasagna, is still up waiting when I get home later than I should; I want to be like him. He keeps telling me he wants me to be better than him, and I don't think that's possible. I'm sorry I've been hard on you - it's just -"

"You're loyal, Queens. He's right to be proud of you -"

"I don't -"

"He tells me about all the cool stuff you know, when we watch football games - things I'll never be able to wrap my brain around, but he's most proud of what a decent person you are."

Peter put out his hand and Steve took it. "I know how much he respects you, Cap. You mean a lot to him, and if he's decided to give you another chance, so am I."

"Damn, Queens, you've got quite a grip."

"Not too bad yerself, Brooklyn. I'm gonna go see what's going on with Vision - don't ask - the Science Bros are up there tinkering -"

"Oh, hell -"

"Yeah, I'd worry more about Vision talking their ears off more than anything else, he taught himself four languages in two days once - they were all dead ones, but who knows when you might need Latin or Sanskrit-" Peter laughed and got up from his chair. "I'll turn the light off for you, if you wanted to go back to sleep."

Steve nodded. "Thanks, Peter."

"No problem, Cap."


	4. Recipes

"Lila?"

"Hmmm?"

Tony walks over to her to see what she is working on. "Lil'?"

"Peter asked me for a recipe. For class. For a family history project he says. Just trying to work out the measurements. I've made this cake so often in my life - not so much recently, but I have to remember soon - your reception, needs at least one cream cake. And I should make sure he has the other -"

"Lila."

"Antonio." She finally looks up and sees his face. "Tonio. Not sleeping again. What is it?"

"There's no way we can do the wedding at Christmas."

"I know, precious."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Who can ever tell you anything, hmm?"

Tony rolls his eyes but drops onto the stool next to her, and closes his eyes as she ruffles his hair. "You need a haircut soon. Tonio. It's going to take you time, to adjust to this. Your new life. Let her help you, talk to her, she wants to understand. You can be a puzzle to everyone else, even to your friends, but to her, she shouldn't have to work so hard to be close to you. You should be an open book to her, tell her the things, all the things you have wanted to share with someone. Even those hard things, especially the hard things. She needs to know you, and know that she can tell you all her hard things." 

She sighs and puts her pen down, then lays her hands on his face and shakes her head. "You two." She kisses his forehead, then nods at the paper on the table. "It's like that recipe, you can mix the batter perfectly, use the best ingredients, but if you use the wrong temperature in the oven, or don't bake it long enough, or too long - no cake at the end, just a mess. 

You have all the ingredients. A woman who loves you. Never seen someone look at a person the way she looks at you, the girl is smitten, Tonio. You have Peter, a boy who knows you aren't perfect, but adores you anyway, probably more because he knows you aren't perfect. He knows you are a mess. That is one the best gifts you have given him, Tonio. He knows he will make mistakes, and he knows you will still care for him when he does. You understand, what it is like to mess up and not know if you are still loved. You have a family, you have us, lovely boy. Trust your heart. Trust her, trust them to protect it, to protect the love you give them. They won't let you down."

"I know, Lila. It's just -"

"Trust yourself, precious. You are allowed to be happy. You are allowed to have this. It's okay, Tonio." Tony leans against her and she sighs again, as she wraps her arms around him. "You are loved, sweet boy, so very loved."


	5. May and Pepper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for Rix1998, just because -

"Can I - ?" May stops as she meets the eyes of the woman who is smiling nervously at her. "If you're looking for Tony -"

"No. Well. Yes - damn. I had heard - how is he?"

"He's fine. Can I get you something to drink or -"

"Scotch, please," Pepper Potts whispers as she drops onto the bar stool. "I'm not like this."

"Like?"

"I don't look backward. I have to - he taught me - nostalgia -" She tosses back the drink and places the glass carefully back onto the bar, and glances up at May. "Don't worry. I have no - I just wanted to see if he was happy."'

"He is."

Pepper nods. "Good. I don't think I ever saw him happy."

Tony walks into the restaurant and stops short. Pepper, and May. He blinks to make sure he's not in fact having a bad dream, then sighs as he realizes he's wide awake and walks over to the bar. "Have you had lunch, Pep? We're not really full service until 5, but -"

"I'm fine, Tony, can we -?"

He looks over at May to make sure she's okay, and she smiles at him then heads into the kitchen. "Table?"

"Please."

She sits carefully, and he slides into the seat across from her. "Rhodey."

He nods.

"You look good, Tony."

"I am. Did you want something, Pepper?"

"No. I think I was curious. I was out of the country for months, after - you and Steve. I never apologized."

"For what? What could you have to apologize for?"

"I should have -"

"Pepper. You stayed longer than you should have. I was a mess, still am a mess, will always be a mess, but back then, I - I wasn't - I couldn't give you the things you should have been able to expect, and I am sorry for that."

She nods then looks up and after an awkward silence, clears her throat and asks brightly, "you're out of the superhero business, Rhodey says?"

"Yeah. Couldn't fit into the armor anymore. Sorry. The armor didn't fit in my life anymore."

"She must be -"

"She is."

"Good. I'm glad, Tony." She looks down at her watch and starts. "Sorry, I have a meeting. Just wanted to -"

"Goodbye, Ms. Potts." Tony smiles gently at her and offers her his hand.

"Mr. Stark." She takes his hand and squeezes it lightly, then lets it go and gets up from the table, then walks out of the restaurant without a backward glance. 

 

"Hey."

May looks up at him and reaches for his hand. "You okay?"

"Yeah. You? I -"

"Do you, I mean -"

"May."

"I understand -"

"She just came to say good-bye, Sweet-pea. When she left me, it was when I was off on a mission, I came home to find her gone, no note, nothing, she just took what she needed and left. I tried calling -"

"Love. You know -"

His eyes focus on hers, and he nods. "I know, Sweet-pea." He kisses her forehead then sighs as she wraps her arms around him and leans into his chest. "I know."


	6. Chapter 6

The front room was finished, the floors had finally dried after the second coat of polyurethane, so he stretched out on the floor and closed his eyes. Silence. Except the thoughts, the memories he couldn't stop. The Christmases. The fake cheer, box after box of everything and nothing. His mother would play carols on the piano, father would get drunk, if he happened to be at home, pretend he wasn't. He took a deep breath in and slowly sat up. He wanted a Christmas tree. The biggest, tallest, most Christmas-y smelling Christmas tree he could find that would fit in this room. He needed to be better than - 

"Hey."

He turned his head and she was there, smiling at him.

"Hey, yourself. Do you want to go get a tree?"

She blinked at him, then knelt down in front of him and took his hands. "You want to go get a Christmas tree?"

"It's silly - if you don't - it's okay - I know Peter's probably too old to care, but -"

She shook her head at him and kissed him lightly. "Yes. I want a tree. I want to pick out a tree with you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

 

Peter -

Tony and I are out getting a Christmas tree, why don't you see if you can find the boxes of lights and ornaments when you get back from school, and we can decorate it when we get back.

May

 

May looked over at him bouncing on his toes by the front door, and wondered - no. She didn't want to wonder anymore, she just wanted to remember the smile on his face, the light in his eyes, and she knew no matter how beautiful the tree looked when they had finished decorating it, it wouldn't come close to the sparkle and joy that seemed to spill out of him at the moment. She wished she could pull out her camera fast enough to capture it - but she knew it wouldn't come close to -

"Ready?"

She nodded, as he helped her into her coat and kissed that one place behind her ear that always made her shiver, then grabbed his hand. "Ready."


	7. Black Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff

The room is silent, except for the sound of her fingers flying over the keyboard, then halting, then she swears as she bangs mercilessly on the backspace key, until she feels his hand cover hers and she looks over at him; it's been three days since he's spoken or moved from their bed unless absolutely necessary, and a few hours since Nat had come over to talk her down.

"Sorry."

She closes her laptop and lays it aside, then takes his hand and brushes her lips lightly over the ancient and more recent events that are etched into his fingers. "What for?"

He blinks at her and tries to read her face then whispers, "I've never - even when - just everything."

"I know."

"If I had words for it, if I understood -"

"I'm here."

"I would understand -"

"I'm here, because I choose to be here, with you, for you."

He gazes up into her eyes then frowns, confused, and shakes his head. "I don't - what if I don't know - who I am? I used to know, May, and now -?"

"I know."

"How? What - what do you know -?"

She rolls her eyes and snuggles down closer to him, then sighs as she brushes an overlong curl from his eyes. "Even if you don't know precisely who you are. I do. I know who you are now, what you've always been. You are kind, and generous and brilliant and not to mention the most beautiful man I've ever seen - that's just an added bonus -"

"May. You don't - I've -"

"What matters is now, love. I know there are things you have to deal with up here," she kisses his forehead lightly and sighs as she can feel him tremble against her. "I know there will be days like this. I am here, will be here, no matter what -"

"You can't promise -"

May takes his face gently into her hands and glares into his eyes. "Tony Stark. I can and I do promise you that. I'm wearing your ring. It's your promise to me. I don't have anything to give you that will remind you of my promise to you when I said yes, just my word, my presence. When you need to disappear from the world, I'll be right by your side if you want me -"

Tony blinks at her and nods. "Yeah, May. I do, want you." He yawns, then worries his bottom lip and as she stretches out next to him, and wraps her arm around his shoulder, he settles against her and closes his eyes.

She presses a kiss into his hair and whispers, "my love for you isn't finite it isn't something you can measure. It isn't something you can use up. Ever since I met you - I don't know how to explain it - I don't even want to try. I am strong enough - honestly, I didn't know - I wasn't sure I'd ever be strong enough to love someone again, but you - you made me realize, just by loving me as I am, that I am enough, that I've always been enough, and I'm even enough on those days when you need me to be just a bit more. It isn't a chore to love you. It is, it is like breathing. I don't even have to think about it. It just is." She breathes out a sigh of relief as she feels his even breath against her neck and knows he's finally asleep.

Hours later she opens her eyes to find a note in his neat handwriting on his pillow.

 

M-

I'm downstairs at Lila's, making us dinner. You are so beautiful. I watched you sleep for an hour, and then my stomach started growling at me. I was afraid it would wake you up. I heard you, what you said, as I was falling asleep. I breathe easier, because I know, I know you love me. That is quite something, to know that it is a truth in my life. A certainty. You are a certainty, May Parker. I know that's not the most romantic thing anyone's ever said or written to you - but - for me - to know that my heart is safe on the good days and the shit days and all those in between - it is quite a gift. And I know I am already in your debt, will always be - and I hope you know your heart is safe with me. I will do my very best to let you in, to let you see the parts of myself that are slowly healing - they are healing, I am healing because of you, May. I love you, my dearest friend, my love, and my light. Trying out a new recipe - fingers crossed. 

-T


	8. An Early Present

“What is it, Peter? You are troubled by something, yes?” Vision asks quietly.

“Christmas.”

“Ah.”

“I don’t know what to give Tony - my dad. I know he’s not my dad - but -”

“He serves as a father figure to you, does he not?”

Peter nods. “It just slipped out - when I knew he was staying. I wasn’t sure until then, I mean, it seemed like he was - like he wanted to - but when he - when he bought the building next to Lila’s - when I knew he - he wanted us to be a family, and it slipped out.”

“I do not believe he is bothered by it.”

Peter blushes but manages to grin at Vision. “No. I don’t think he minds. But, he can have anything he wants, and I’m not sure -”

“If you were to ask him, I do not think there is a single thing he is lacking right now. I think anything you would choose to give him he would appreciate it, simply because it was your gift.”

“Yeah, I get that, but I want to make sure he knows -” He looks up at Vision and nods. “Thanks, Vision, I know what I want to do.”

“Always glad to be of help, Peter.”

 

“Dad?”

“Yeah, Pete, what is it?”

“I, uhm, I was going to wait until Christmas, but, I really wanted to give this to you now.” He laid an envelope on the table, then offered Tony a nervous smile, and left the room.

 

December 20 

Dear Dad -

You are the first person I’ve ever called Dad. That day, in front of the bookstore, it just slipped out, but for some reason, it didn’t seem weird. Ever since you came to visit that first time, when we went to Germany, I’ve felt like, for the first time in a long time, that I have someone who will be there when I need help, but also, you will be there just because you want to be in my life, you keep making the choice to be here. I don’t know if you know how much that means to me, but I wanted to tell you that it means a bunch. 

Tony blinked at the careful printing, and as he ran his fingers over the words, he wondered what his father would have thought, and then wondered why he even gave a thought to his father at this moment.

I just want to be sure you know, I really appreciate you, not because of everything you’ve given to us, but because you are here, and you are you. I hope you know that you are important to me, and to May, and that we love you very much. I know it’s not Christmas yet, but I wanted to let you know what I was thinking about. You always tell me that you want me to be better than you, but honestly, if I end up being half of the person you are, when I grow up, I think that will mean I’ve turned out pretty okay.

Love,  
Peter

 

Tony read the letter three times before he folded it carefully and slipped it back into its envelope. He wished there was someone who knew him well enough that would understand what the words meant to him, and then he realized the only people who knew him well enough besides maybe Lila, and Rhodey, were Peter and May. Once again, he was reminded that he finally had found the family he had spent his life searching for without even knowing that’s what he had been doing.

He got up from the table and walked into the front room where Peter was sitting in front of the Christmas tree. He sat down next to him and cleared his throat. “Thank you, Peter. It’s the best Christmas present anyone has ever given to me.”

Peter turned and looked at him, “yeah?”

“Yeah.” Tony wrapped his arm around him and Peter leaned against his shoulder. “The best ever.”


	9. Questions and Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late Christmas night....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of May's poems, that I wrote for her. ;)

There are nights,  
When you pull me into your arms,  
And press your nose into my hair,  
I wonder what it was like to  
Have the freedom to fly -

Was it freedom?

Or are you free here,  
On the ground with me, with us,  
In these small spaces?  
Do you breathe easier,  
Or do you miss flinging yourself  
Into the unknown -

These are the questions  
I don’t ask you,  
As you whisper words into my hair,  
The words I can’t quite make out.  
I wonder if they are a prayer  
Or the answers to the  
Questions  
I’ll never ask you.

 

“I miss the first time,” Tony whispers into her hair as they sit in front of the Christmas tree after Peter has kissed them both good night and gone off to bed. “The first time I flew, not when I escaped from the cave, but the first time after I rebuilt it when I got home. I finally felt safe. It doesn’t make sense, I know, I was basically in a rather expensive titanium can, had no clue what I was doing - but I had done the math, I always get the math right. After that first time - no, I don’t miss it, May.

There is nothing small about my life now. Our life. Your love gave me the freedom to walk away. Before, I was needed to fix things, the impossible things. I could spend the rest of my life fighting to make the world a peaceful place, but -” 

He looks down into her eyes as she gazes up at him, and shrugs. “It wouldn’t solve anything. I know I am necessary here, because you love me, and Peter loves me, and that is enough. You are enough, we are enough, my life here is something I never thought I could have.” He smiles down at her, as she grins, then kisses his nose. 

“The words I say, the words you don’t hear, aren’t a prayer exactly, I don’t really believe in something that I could pray to, but every night I thank the universe - or whatever you want to call it - I thank it for you. I know it’s a bit arrogant to think the universe is at all concerned about my happiness, but after everything -”

May reaches her hands into his hair and pulls him closer. “All square?”

“All square.” He kisses the tip of her nose and she turns in his arms.

“This is the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”

He blinks at her and nods as he offers her his hand, and helps her to her feet. “Mine, too, May. You know, you can always ask me anything?”

“I know. I just have days when everything feels too perfect, and I wonder -”

Tony nods at her, and she knows she doesn’t have to wonder any longer, as he pulls her into his arms and he rests his chin into her hair. “I will always choose you May, always.”


	10. May - A New Year

January 1

 

It's been snowing for three days now, perfect snowball snow, like I haven't seen in years. Peter's in heaven. He and Tony have been making ridiculous snowpeople outside the shop. They remind me of the old Calvin and Hobbes comics. I don't think Peter has ever seen them, but at least I know where some of Tony's appreciation for the absurd comes from.

***

Lila has been teaching me her recipes, making sure Peter knows them too. Tony tells me she's never been happier. We went over the menu for the reception again a couple of days ago. She wants to be sure it's perfect. I tried to talk to her as we were getting ready for the New Year's Eve party. She shushed me, told me not to worry. It's what I do. No, I know I do more than worry, I'm starting to get an idea for that novel that's been lurking for years, and the bookshop is beginning to get some regulars, which I like, but I can still close up when I need to, either because Lila needs help or it's just one of those days - Peter - ever since Christmas, he's like a different kid. No, not different, just a happier version. More confident, I think. It's like he's finally settled into a life that he knows won't vanish on him.

Still I worry. 

I know. It's not about him. I've never been more certain of anyone. I just - I wake up some mornings and he's sound asleep next to me, and I understand what that means, how much he trusts me - other days, he's already awake, and he's holding me in his arms, and I don't have to ask, he just starts talking until he's done, and then we go back to sleep. He's telling me things I don't think he's ever told anyone. Somehow he knows I can take it all. I can. I want to carry it with him, for him, on the days when it's too much. Every once in a while I catch him sitting quietly, and I know he's somewhere else. He looks up at me and reaches out for me, and I take his hand, and I know. I just know whatever it is, it's enough that I'm there. And then we make dinner together, or take a bubble bath, or he puts on our song, and we dance -

and it's perfect. 

We're perfect, as perfect as two messy people can be. Perfect is a loaded word. I know. He'd laugh if he saw this - maybe one day I'll show this to him. 

Maybe not.

But he is perfect, in ways he'll never know.

***

He wants to adopt Peter. 

He had been quiet since even before Christmas. Finally early this morning, he showed me Peter's letter, and I could see how much the words meant to him, and then, simply and quietly, he asked for my permission to adopt him, and I all I could do was nod, before he started to splutter and try to explain all the reasons why. Once he understood and was able to breathe again, I told him he would have to ask Peter, as it was up to him. 

I keep thinking he can't surprise me, and he always finds a way to - he asked me to be there when he asked Peter, and asked me again if I was sure and I couldn't think what to do or say, so I kissed him, and I think he finally got it. He smiled that smile at me, the one that just shatters me time and time again; I see the boy he was, the boy he might have been, the man he is now, and the man he is still becoming. 

***

I thought I had seen Peter smile before, I was wrong. When he finally understood what Tony was asking him, what it would mean, his face became younger somehow, I don't know how else to explain it - he has always seemed to be older than his years but in that moment, I saw him let out a sigh of relief, as if he had been holding his breath for far too long, and then the smile started at his eyes and ended when he threw his arms around Tony's waist and whispered yes.

Not a bad way to begin a new year.


	11. Get Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony recruits a bit of help.

Natasha dropped onto the bar stool, and watched as Tony pulled a pint of her regular and put it in front of her.

"Hungry?"

She raised an eyebrow at him and waited.

"Right, I called you."

She took a sip of her drink and asked quietly, "getting cold feet?"

"No. NO. Why, has she said anything?" She shook her head, and turned her attention to her beer. Finally after a few moments of silence, he cleared his throat and asked, "do you think I'm rushing this?"

"This?"

"Her, them. This?" She followed his eyes around the restaurant and shook her head again.

"You've never cared what other people think about you before. Why now?"

"It matters now." Tony crossed his arms and finally met her questioning gaze with narrowed eyes. "Don't get all -"

"All...?"

"Unreadable." She snorted and took a long pull on her beer. "Nat."

"You're overthinking this. You're happy, she's happy, Pete's happy. That's a lot of happy. You're not used to this level of happy."

He shook his head at her and shrugged. "I'm afraid -"

"- of messing it up?"

"Of losing it. I should be able to make it stay."

"You know that's not how it works."

"Yeah, I know." 

"I don't think you're rushing it, to answer your question. If I had a chance to have what you have, I wouldn't wait another week or month to marry her. You know what you want, what she wants, and she knows you know -" She couldn't help but grin as she watched his face become softer than she'd ever seen before.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Is there any way, it's Wednesday, could you help me -"

"When?"

"Saturday night, 8 PM, our apartment, just her, Pete and me, party after?

"Consider it done." 

He looked in her eyes and saw by the sparkle in her eyes that she wouldn't let him down.

"Thanks, Nat."

"It's the least I can do." She finished her pint, then slid from the stool and was almost to the door when she turned back and asked with a grin. "There will be lasagna and cheesecake, right?"

He rolled his eyes at her, but nodded, then grinned, "of course."

"See you Saturday at 8."


	12. Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from Peter's POV

May's friend from the old neighborhood was nervous. I get it. I do, but I don't think it mattered if he said the wrong word or messed up his name, Tony wasn't paying attention, except he was to everything that mattered to him. Nat was standing next to me, I think she was still thinking she should be downstairs with everyone else, instead of up here with us, but Tony looked at her and winked, and she nodded at him.

 

"May Parker, do you take this man, Tony Stark, to be your husband?"

"Yeah, you betchya."

Tony couldn't help but laugh, and Nat started giggling. I reached for her hand and she held on tightly as she caught her breath.

"Tony Stark, do you take this woman, May Parker, to be your wife?"

"Of course, yes, yes, hell, yes."

"Language," Natasha hissed, then bit her lip as Tony turned to look at her, but he grinned, then turned his attention back to May.

"Tony, you had something you wanted to tell May?"

"Yeah. I think you know all this, but there was a time when I couldn't tell people how I felt about them. I didn't have the language, it's always been something hard for me, to trust my own feelings when it comes to people. My machines, my bots, Jarvis, piece of cake. They might drop something, but they were always there for me, and told me the truth especially on those days when I didn't want to hear it. People. People have always let me down. Until you and Peter taught me how - how to trust again, how to know it was okay to love again. And how to forgive, and get on with my life. You and Peter are my life, May." He turned towards me and I dug the ring out of my pocket and laid it carefully in his hand and he smiled at me. "I give you this ring to honor you and the love you offer me every single minute, especially in those times when I don't know that I deserve it, you keep telling me, May, and you stay. You have stayed when everyone else has left before. I promise to spend the rest of my life loving you in the same way." He lifted May's hand and slipped the ring onto her finger, and grinned. I thought I had seen him smile before. I was wrong.

"May?"

I watched her face, and the light in her eyes was like something from a movie. Can't remember which one, one of the old ones, not black and white, but maybe one from the 80's?

"Tony. I didn't think I would ever be able to fall in love again. I wasn't sure I could risk it. And Peter. And it turns out to be you, of all people. That sounds wrong, but Nat knows what I mean, I knew who were, I thought I knew. But I didn't. Damn. I had something else written down, but - I'm just so very lucky that I get to love you and that you love me and Peter in the way you do with all of your heart." She reached out to touch his chest and he took her hand (yes, kissing happened)... "I promise to always be here with you, to always, always love you for everything you are, and everything you aren't." She looked over at Nat, and she carefully placed the ring in her hand. "I offer this ring to you, so you will always know, just by looking at your hand that you are wanted, needed and loved, so very, very loved."

May's friend said some mumbo jumbo, and it was over. Tony walked over to Natasha, and whispered something in her ear, and she blushed, then shyly kissed his cheek and left the room.

"I asked her to make sure the right music was on when we walked into the restaurant." He turned towards me and the smile was still the same. "Thank you, Pete."

I wasn't sure what he was thanking me for, but it didn't matter as he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight for a minute. "Head on down, we'll be there in a minute."

I walked down the stairs, and the few hundred feet to Lila's restaurant. I wished I had my phone, to take a photo of what I saw inside. Cap, Sam, Nat, Clint, Banner, Rhodey, Vision, Wanda, even Thor had made it, he never misses a revel if he can help it - and the regular neighborhood crew were all there, already eating and partying like only the Avengers can. I wondered at my life again, but then Nat caught me, and raised an eyebrow at me, and I went inside and waited for my parents to join us. Parents. My life, man. Crazy.


End file.
